One Year

A year ago, today, I said an extremely tearful goodbye to my family and got on a plane for Denver, Colorado.  I cried all through security, to my gate and then would randomly burst into tears on the plane.  I might have looked slightly unstable. The array of emotions was overwhelming.  There was an extreme amount of guilt, sadness but also excitement, happiness.  It was almost too much to process as I sat smothered in the middle seat.

I didn’t have a lot of time to think when I landed, I needed an apartment.  I had 5 days to get settled before I started my new job. We managed to find one within hours of landing thanks to weeks of extensive research and color coordinated spreadsheets.  The next morning, it really hit me. I remember sitting in the living room of our friends’ house at 5:30 in the morning, in tears (I cried a lot those first few days), trying to figure out how much it would cost me to cancel this whole thing and head back to Miami. I have never been more afraid and unsure of “what was next” than at that very moment. As soon as I signed this lease, it was real.  I told myself at least a year, I could make it a year. The next couple of days were a whirlwind of Ikea, Bed Bath & Beyond and furniture stores.  I didn’t have a lot of time to think, just do. 5 days later, I was as settled as I was going to be and my boyfriend was heading back. There I was, completely alone, in a half-furnished apartment.  The first few weeks were odd, it didn’t feel real. I am forever grateful for the few friends I had here, they made those first months feel normal and were a huge help.

There are days I miss my family and friends so much, I still wonder if I made the right decision. It’s not all beautiful mountain views, as much as my Instagram probably says otherwise.  It’s lonely, it’s hard watching my niece grow up over the phone and not in person, it’s taking a lot of adjustment.  I’m still working through a lot of the guilt.  At the same time, I feel like this move saved my sanity, my relationship and my career. I’ve never felt so at peace. I actually feel like it’s revitalized my career.  I enjoy coming to work, what I do and the ability to be creative and implement my ideas.  I have the freedom to make decisions and don’t have anyone constantly breathing down my neck. I’m allowed to make mistakes, learn from them and find ways that they don’t happen again.  It is now clear what a great boss can do for a career.   Work life balance is a thing here, it’s real, not just something you read about on social. There is something about the mountains that gives me peace and freedom. A couple of hours with no cell service and you’re refreshed. I love where I live, the life we’re building here and yes, even the snow. I know that I made the right decision for me, for my future.

It was a process to physically get here and a process to continue to adjust. If you’re contemplating something big and scary but know it’s right for you, I recommend going for it. Nothing worth having comes easy, right? ~AddingMoMiles

My 29th Year of Life.

So I’ve entered my last year in my 20’s.   Is this where women start flipping out about getting old?  Maybe it hasn’t hit me that I’m a year away from 30 or I’m kind of ok with it.  Who really liked the awkward, broke years of your early 20s?   I read over my birthday post from last year.  What’s kind of scary is how fast the year flew; because I remember writing that thing like it was yesterday.  So I didn’t accomplish some of the things on there, like my pull-up, I feel that will forever be a work in progress.  But my life has changed what I feel is significantly in the last year and god knows I’ve learned a lot.  Some things by choice, some by life’s kicks in the ass. To celebrate such a blessed occasion I packed up and headed up to Clermont with 2 of my favorites.  We celebrated, we drank, we relaxed, we rode, we climbed.  Climbing up Sugarloaf and doing Buckhill repeats gives you a little time to reflect. So now in my 29^th year of life, here are a few things I’ve learned, random thoughts in my old age.

Laugh, laugh a lot.  I know it sounds silly and mundane but I don’t think we do it as often as we should.

Explore, search, and try new things.  I had to stop being a little bitch and try things I usually wouldn’t.  Get outside your comfort zone.  Break the routine.  The bruises and scratches on my leg from mountain biking are proof I’ve started doing this.

Never let anyone make you feel bad about your body, even jokingly.  Don’t let them make you feel insecure.  Embrace your thick legs, cankles, thigh gaps (lack thereof), big booty or no booty. Your body is yours, it’s meant to take your through life, not be perfect.  Find someone that loves every inch of it, even the ones you don’t like.

Manipulation is hidden in many different ways.  Be careful.

Goals are grueling.  Athletic goals are tough.  They take a lot out of you.  You will get frustrated, you may cry, you will want to quit (multiple times).  But seeing progress, reaching your goal, crossing the finish….it is quite possibly the most rewarding feeling.

We wonder why we go through certain pain and hurt.  Sometimes, it’s to prepare you for a greater difficulty.  So that you come out of the other side quicker, stronger.

The best decision I made this year was adopting this guy.  He came at a perfect time and I couldn’t be more grateful.  A little man filled with so much spirit. Thank you for bringing me a perfect balance of madness, chaos and calm into my life.

Only you can dig yourself out of dark holes.  Even being surrounded by so much support, it is your decision and only you can make the changes to get yourself out of it.

It’s ok to ease up on the career goals if there are other things that you are finding more fulfilling.  The corner office isn’t going anywhere.

When it starts to pour, find a kind person who will share their umbrella who will walk you over to get a grand marnier or grey goose slushy and just enjoy the drink while the storm passes.  You can’t change the circumstance, so you might as well find a way to enjoy it.

The wrong relationship is ten times lonelier than being single and a lot more exhausting.

Drink beer, eat pizza, and enjoy the cupcake….all in moderation.

Women are crazy, some men are crazier.  The faster we all accept this, the easier life will be.

Behind every successful woman, is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.  The women in my life have been my rock.

I will take lots of pictures; I will post as many as I want.  I will ride my bike as much and as long as I want.  I will strut my tan lines.  I will curse. I will always be a little bit of a mess.  Accept who you are, be comfortable in your skin.

Live with joy.  Like honest, annoying those that are bitter, kind of joy.

My only goal for 29 is to live more.  That means something different to everyone.  But I can tell you this, no one is killing my vibe.  ~AddingMoMiles.

Two Cents

A lot of people seem to love to giving their two cents and for the most part no one really cares for their spare change. Yes, pun intended. I can count the people on my hands whose opinion and advice I actually appreciate and take into consideration. They aren’t trying to change what I want to what they perceive I should be doing. Plus, they usually have this keen sense on when I want advice and when I don’t. So here’s my honest answer on a lot of the “cents” I’ve received lately, without asking for it.

Most comments or “advice” revolve around my training, how I balance it, my relationship status, lack of husband or future child. I can honestly say growing up my goal in life was never to get married, buy a house, and have 2.5 children. Everyone has their own goals. If that’s what you want, I’m supporting it. My goal was to create a life that I was genuinely satisfied with, become a good strong woman on my own. Build a life I was happy with; enjoy the process of doing this and when the time was right that relationship, the marriage, and the home would come. I never set an age for this or a determined time because I don’t think you can; it will come at the right time.

I’m training too much. Well, it’s the same amount of hours you sit on the couch, playing video games, or doing whatever else you fancy. People feel the need to impose their way of living on others. In general, I don’t tell you go wake up and train at 5:30am if it isn’t what you enjoy. I will tell you this; a little exercise goes a long way.

You don’t go out enough, you need to get out more, and you aren’t going to meet new people. In general, people suck, so I don’t feel the need to meet new ones. I go out every day with my friends, its called training. We talk about our lives, we tell jokes, and we laugh. Isn’t this what you do when you go out with friends? We even have a few drinks, protein shakes, recovery, and the occasional mimosa to celebrate a good training. Why would I give up doing something I love, to do something I occasionally enjoy. But thank you for your concern with my social life.

You can’t be friends with your ex. I think you’re wrong, but what do I know. If there was a close friendship before the relationship, that doesn’t mean that aspect needs to end because the relationship didn’t work. It is one of my most cherished friendships and I don’t feel that it should be thrown away. Real, sincere, and honest friendships are hard to come by, they mean so much to me. It may take me longer to move on, yes but I’m in no hurry.  To me the hardest part of the end of a relationship is the loss of a friend. It beats being filled with anger, hate, and sadness. Forgiveness and move forward.

I sit and wonder what makes others have the need to dictate others lives. Everyone has their own chosen path and we may not agree with it but we should respect it. What religion or societal norms say I should do with my life is not important to me. It’s the kind of person I am and surrounded by that are. As the girls say, haters gonna hate. ~AddingMoMiles

 

Lessons Learned

My life has changed significantly over the last year. It’s actually kind of shocking to me how much it has. I’ve changed over the last year. These changes have not been easy. Look Ma, I’m an adult. Lessons and things learned:

This girl can cook! I got bored of chicken and steam bagged veggies so I started putting some work in the kitchen. I was impressed with myself. No roman noodles here!

You got bills, on top of bills, and then more bills (yup, a Destiny’s child song). So you log on to your bank account and wonder where the hell the money went!?

Save. There will come a month that you will need it. Dad, you were right. Happy? I admitted it!

Once you lose respect for someone, it’s hard to see them the same. Sometimes we hold people in such high regards or witness them do something you never thought they were capable of. I’m not sure what’s worse, losing trust or losing respect.

Wine = bestfriend. Lots of long days and a glass or two (or the whole bottle) goes a long way. Don’t have the bottle though, it leads to angry text messages.

Never lose yourself in someone else’s problems. They are not your own. You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. You have your own to deal with.

Your real friends don’t judge you or your mistakes. They just don’t. They have your back regardless of the stupid things you do (usually more than once) and they’re there…with wine.

Let go of your regrets, they’ll eat at you. Just let it freakin’ go. I can’t change what I did or the decisions I made, so what’s the point?

Say I love you, say it over and over again regardless of whether they say it back or feel it. Just say how you feel with no fear. You may not get it in return but you can walk away knowing you said everything you felt. I’ve turned into a sap apparently.

Get up and train! Regardless of how you feel, get the f up and train.

You can never make someone see their own worth and what they deserve. Hey, you want to settle, go ahead. All you can do is remind them. For the love of god people, stop settling in life.

A new appreciation for the support I receive from my parents. Regardless of my decisions they have supported me, they have been there for me and not everyone has that. Thank you. This is the first time I can openly talk to them about relationships, careers, and what I’m facing. This is the one change in the last year I am most grateful for. My mom is still angry I moved out though.

Don’t lose yourself in love. Don’t lose a part of yourself for someone else. Don’t lose yourself period. And if you do, grab a drink and go find yourself again.

Some things aren’t meant to be, dwelling on them or trying to explain them won’t help. Once you learn to come terms with things faster, you live life easier. Shit happens, it’s the way it is.

Some people just don’t have a pair.

The problems you have won’t mean much 5 years from now. Five years ago I was stressing about my current boo, now I laugh about it…and a little at him.

Regardless, life is always good. ~Adding Mo Miles.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness, everyone’s working towards it. Including myself, especially lately. It’s a common question, what makes me happy?  Followed by, how do I get it?  Happiness is relative and it means different things to people.  To some it’s love, friendship, success, power, or sadly money.  But if you really think about it, happiness requires a level of selfishness and courage.  To a certain degree, happiness is selfish. At some point it comes at sacrifice of someone else. 

So to what degree do you sacrifice your own happiness for someone else?  I’ve seen that this comes easier for some than it does for others.  I’ve witnessed this in parents; I’ve seen this in spouses and couples.  I’m not talking about something little like giving up the last slice of pizza, I’m talking about staying with someone to avoid hurting them or because you vowed to, even if you know for a fact you aren’t happy and will no longer be happy.

It has always come easy for me to put my happiness first because honestly speaking, who else will.  If I’m not happy for an extended period of time, the relationship won’t be healthy. I can’t make someone happy if I am unhappy.  My happiness has come at the sacrifice of my family’s happiness.  I made a choice to no longer practice the religion I was born into.  To my parents and others, this was devastating.  I came to terms with this because I knew I didn’t want to look back and know that I spent all of my life unhappy and just content for other people.  Some very tough years later, I have the best relationship I’ve ever had with my parents. 

I’ve learned that happiness is sometimes purely on how you see things.  The stars aren’t always going to align, lets be realistic.  But if you can look at your life and see that most of your moments are happy, you’re surrounded by a lot of what you want, then you’re not half bad. It is those things you must focus on in the unhappy moments.  It is all up to you. If there is something that you aren’t happy about, it is up to you to change it, put your big girl panties, grab life by the balls, and do something about it. I am. ~ Adding Mo Miles