One Year

A year ago, today, I said an extremely tearful goodbye to my family and got on a plane for Denver, Colorado.  I cried all through security, to my gate and then would randomly burst into tears on the plane.  I might have looked slightly unstable. The array of emotions was overwhelming.  There was an extreme amount of guilt, sadness but also excitement, happiness.  It was almost too much to process as I sat smothered in the middle seat.

I didn’t have a lot of time to think when I landed, I needed an apartment.  I had 5 days to get settled before I started my new job. We managed to find one within hours of landing thanks to weeks of extensive research and color coordinated spreadsheets.  The next morning, it really hit me. I remember sitting in the living room of our friends’ house at 5:30 in the morning, in tears (I cried a lot those first few days), trying to figure out how much it would cost me to cancel this whole thing and head back to Miami. I have never been more afraid and unsure of “what was next” than at that very moment. As soon as I signed this lease, it was real.  I told myself at least a year, I could make it a year. The next couple of days were a whirlwind of Ikea, Bed Bath & Beyond and furniture stores.  I didn’t have a lot of time to think, just do. 5 days later, I was as settled as I was going to be and my boyfriend was heading back. There I was, completely alone, in a half-furnished apartment.  The first few weeks were odd, it didn’t feel real. I am forever grateful for the few friends I had here, they made those first months feel normal and were a huge help.

There are days I miss my family and friends so much, I still wonder if I made the right decision. It’s not all beautiful mountain views, as much as my Instagram probably says otherwise.  It’s lonely, it’s hard watching my niece grow up over the phone and not in person, it’s taking a lot of adjustment.  I’m still working through a lot of the guilt.  At the same time, I feel like this move saved my sanity, my relationship and my career. I’ve never felt so at peace. I actually feel like it’s revitalized my career.  I enjoy coming to work, what I do and the ability to be creative and implement my ideas.  I have the freedom to make decisions and don’t have anyone constantly breathing down my neck. I’m allowed to make mistakes, learn from them and find ways that they don’t happen again.  It is now clear what a great boss can do for a career.   Work life balance is a thing here, it’s real, not just something you read about on social. There is something about the mountains that gives me peace and freedom. A couple of hours with no cell service and you’re refreshed. I love where I live, the life we’re building here and yes, even the snow. I know that I made the right decision for me, for my future.

It was a process to physically get here and a process to continue to adjust. If you’re contemplating something big and scary but know it’s right for you, I recommend going for it. Nothing worth having comes easy, right? ~AddingMoMiles

Count Your Blessings

Food comas and food babies plagued people all over the US last night, myself included.  Actually I still have a food bump this morning…and I’m ok with this.  I was lucky enough to be surrounded by lots of love this holiday and two of my favorites.  I say it that way because most of my life I wasn’t able to.  It’s not a tradition my family participated in.  Last Thanksgiving didn’t go as planned, and wasn’t exactly filled with love but that’s a story for another day.  So before we dug into the grub, someone at the table asked what we were thankful for…and it got me thinking:

• How much and how little my life has changed.
• My friends and the women who surround me.  The family I got to pick and that have been there so much for me, especially these last two years.  I’m still waiting for our reality show contract.
• My family, we are a circus of crazy (and I’m an active participant in this crazy) but there is not a group of people that can make me feel so absolutely loved as they do.  My sister is on speed dial, you know incase I ever have to hide a body.  My mom, she’s the ring leader of crazy, is an example of real strength.  My old man, he keeps me grounded.
• My health.  No matter what I put my body thru (A LOT), it keeps going, keeps fighting.  I’m lucky to be able to do what I do, train and race. I know that one day, that won’t be the case.
• The mental and physical strength I’ve reached this year.
• Ironman, sometimes you lose yourself in what you love…sometimes you find yourself.
• Pizza, of all meanings.
• The little home my roommate and I have built.  Sometimes messy, but it’s ours.
• Finding a job I am genuinely enjoying, where my opinion actually matters and coming into the office isn’t so bad (though I rather be on the beach)
• Cold sand…just feels nice between your toes.
• My training buddies, jungle buddies, Jungle Fitness, Reaction, All4Cycling, all of it. Where else can I find someone as insane as myself?
• Whatsapp.  Don’t judge.
• Coffee.  I don’t even have to explain this.
• Motivational quotes.  Not all of us may post them, but I know all of you love to read them.  Your secret is safe with me.
• Love and losing it. You learn a lot about yourself.
• Team Betty.  Now, representing this brand is beyond great.  But what I wasn’t expecting was the impact of getting to know some of these women, their story and their strength.  It’s humbling and motivational.
• My bike, how did my bike end up so low on this list??
• Champagne and orange juice…yes mimosas, which of course is included in brunch.  Again, don’t judge me.

This list can continue on and on, may have even forgotten a few important ones.  I know that some of them sound mundane and a little silly but it’s kind of the little things that make you happy you have to be grateful for.  We can’t always control health or peoples actions but we can have things that just kind of make it easier to get by (yes I’m talking about coffee).  Its things that without, you wouldn’t exactly be as happy as you are.  Do you know how many great moments I’ve had around a few glasses of mimosas?  I found out about the first baby in my group of girlfriends over mimosas.  We were having them, momma to be wasn’t.  I’ve had some of the greatest conversations and laughs over a cup of coffee.  I’m a lucky girl. ~AddingMoMiles.

 

To Mom and Dad.

With Mother’s Day in two days and my dad’s birthday yesterday it got me thinking of how much I appreciate what they’ve done for me and what they’ve given me. My parents and I have never seen eye to eye. They are religious, traditional, and conservative…I am quite the opposite. My parents are not perfect, they’ve hurt me (and I them), and I don’t think they always know what’s best for me. They’re human but god knows they tried their best to give me everything and I will be eternally grateful. I can never say that my parents and I had this great relationship. It took years after I left the religion to build something genuine with them now, but that doesn’t mean I am not thankful for so much.

Thank you for teaching me to be independent. I know how to manage my money, do my laundry, cook a full meal and manage my life because you taught me this. I can build and care for a home. My mom still claims I don’t know how to clean.

I know what I want and don’t want from a relationship and a marriage. I now know what it takes to get thru the worse moments, I know when to tough it out and when to throw in the towel and say enough is enough.   My dad has always told me to learn from others mistakes so you don’t make them. I’ve learned the importance of communication and how I want to communicate with my significant other, never belittle them.

Thank you for letting me run around barefoot, climb fences, play football, spend my days fishing on a boat, and just be me. Mom, I’m still upset you took away my toy cars. Thank you for not making me wear pants at home and letting me roam in my underwear. You just let me be a kid. It is always hard to explain to others how great my childhood was.  Some people just won’t understand, they wore shoes.

Dad, thank you for engraining in me the importance of an education, a career, savings, and building a life before I start a family of my own. You taught me it was ok to put these things first regardless of what tradition told me. Mom, sorry, he won.

Thank you for not solving all my problems and not doing everything for me. You prepared me for reality. Thank you for your tough love, never sugar coating, and always being honest. “Life is full of disappointments” is my fathers favorite line. But thank you for being there when I really did need you. It’s like you knew when I got myself in over my head. Thank you for letting me make my own mistakes and not judging me and always managing a good “I told you so!”

I know I have disappointed them, I did not choose the life they wanted for me, and I gave them a lot of grey hair. I, apparently was a “wild” child. But their support has never changed. Even as angry as my mother was with me, she still helped me move into my first apartment.  Mostly she sat on a box in my empty living room with her hand crossed saying my place was old. My mother is crazy and my dad is Rosa stubborn, we still fight, disagree, and I constantly make decisions they’re not happy with but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate them, love them any less and don’t listen to your advice. Looking back, the words thank you don’t seem like enough, but thank you.  Thank you for driving me crazy sometimes, I know you’re returning the favor. ~ Adding Mo Miles